GRIEF IS LOVE WITH NO PLACE TO GO

 “Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”

― Jamie Anderson – author, writer, producer Doctor Who

I’ve always been a very pensive and contemplative person, as much as I am a deep sensing and experiencing one, the holiday season however just demands that extra level of slowing down and looking back on how the passing year has been.

This year it felt to me as if not one but two years have passed. When many life changing event follow one after the other, whether joyous or sad, the more profound the lasting impact, the more I feel life warped me a few years ahead.

When looking back at 2024 which was both a very happy joyful ride as much as it was filled with sadness, with the obvious deep grief of my dear sweet feline that has just recently passed away after 14 years of being my loyal companion.

The mourning I go through of losing my beloved cat family is a natural grief that comes and goes as waves in the ocean. This quote by Jamie Anderson that hit me to the core when I first read it a few years back has me pondering this very idea now during this specific holiday season.

Grieving is a natural part of human nature and somehow in this society it’s a faux pas or seems to be a sign of weakness of some sort. I believe we should all learn to master the art of crying and letting our sadness flow through us when our bodies tel lus to. There shouldn’t be any shame, hiding or feeling guilt or weird about it at all. It’s the hiding and not embracing it that creates the problems and unhealtyness.

Whilst reflecting on Jamie’s stunning expression a few things do come to mind for me personally on how I see, feel and experience this kind of grief which is love that has no place to go. Surely, I am crushed about my sweet feline and I miss him everyday and will do so for days to come and the unconditional love I can’t give me sweet pet family.

For me however, it’s the love that I felt I had to give when I believed I had a certain connection with someone and felt unreciprocated, it’s the love I had to give when I thought someone asked for my ideas and opinions and I felt they completely misunderstood me. It’s the love I give when I am all open and all-in, fully engaged and I notice the other person not wanting to do a deep-dive, learn more like I do, understand the matter at hand, get to the bottom of things, or is otherwise uninterested and never asks you a certain question because they can’t be bothered or seem to know best.

So for me this kind of grief is about having a sense that when energy, intensity, complexity, deep sensing, sharing your gifts, sense of connection – gets dismissed, ridiculed or otherwise lost in translation.

Being able to write this, for me as a catharsis on the matter, feels very satisfying tough, nourishing, comforting and soothing. As long as I get me, understand my own experiences and multi-layeredness, move through my own highs and lows with patience and acceptance, and marvel at its granularity, I feel fulfilled and fine, content and at peace.

The art of grieving - Dyonne Schreurs